People Who Drive Volvos Can't Drive.

Kent Young


People who drive Volvos can't drive. For years I've been collecting data. Having grown up a child of the freeway, I can say that I've been following general and specific traffic patterns and driving behavior all of my life. 32 years of experience plus a few facts lead me to proclaim that people who drive Volvos can't drive. Hardly a day goes by that I'm not caught in traffic behind someone driving a Volvo at less than 30% of the speed limit, or turning left from the right lane or vice versa. I'll admit that it is not only people who drive Volvos who create potentially hazardous situations on Americas roadways. Yet, in my vast experience, more often than not it is the person driving a Volvo that strikes fear in my heart.

I don't remember when the number of incidents involving Volvos reached a point of saturation, turning what was more or less an unconscious recognition of numerous coincidences into something more. I think it was about seven years ago. The reason I'm vague about the moment at which I realized that my continual close encounters with people who drive Volvos was more than just skewed observation is because I'm sure the recognition of something as profound as this comes about gradually.

The proof is in the pudding. Sweden, for example, has one of the highest rates of alcoholism in the world. And as Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) has shown over the past fifteen years, it is the drunk driver who crashes into things. Auto manufacturers can only endeavor to protect the people who drive their cars. Taken one step further, it is in the auto makers best interest to protect their customers from themselves. As Machiavelli pointed out, it is within the human spirit to be self-defeating. Can you imagine some Swedish person, after a very long winter night out on the town, driving home in a Hyundai? He's smarter than that. He would drive a tank home if he could. Instead, he drives a Volvo, the safest car made.

The ad campaign that Volvo has embarked on for years shows that Volvo intends to market their vehicles to people who can't drive. There are images of Volvos crashing into walls and driving off cliffs, ultimately surviving what would be a knockout blow to most cars. With an attitude of indestructibility, Volvo drivers have the confidence to do what ever it takes to get from point A to point B, knowing they will survive the adventures of turning left from the right lane, of driving 20 mph in a 35 mph zone, and of sudden stops from out of nowhere. The perversity of this false sense of security is that it is a lack of confidence in their abilities which leads them to buy a Volvo in the first place. What's more, at the end of Volvo commercials the spokesman says, "Drive safely." This is a warning to the rest of us that people who drive Volvos can't drive, while at the same time pleading with its customers to DRIVE SAFELY.

There is one statistic which does not bode well for highway safety. Bloomberg Business News reported in 1995 that sales of Volvos in North America rose 9.7 percent to 57,100 cars, which means there are more people driving who can't. How can insurance companies condone bad driving habits created through a false sense of security? Maybe it's because there are others out there who have seen the things I've seen and have been in similar situations where someone driving a Volvo comes within inches of finishing them off. Whatever the case may be I will continue doing all that I can to get out of the way before something dreadful happens.

A Swedish friend of mine says there are only two thing Swedes do: Drink and knulla. So when I asked him if everyone in Sweden drives Volvos he said that it was law. Let the truth be told, there is no law requiring Swedes drive Volvos. Yet the comment does indicate that Swedes have common sense. They are practical. If a Swede is going to drink he or she will drive the safest car available: a Volvo. Americans are practical too. Is there better car available for the person who cannot drive? NO.


Kent Young lives in Los Angeles


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